Many types of conflicts can arise in a relationship.  The most typical are disagreements over roles and who should do what; disagreements over how things should be done; and style conflicts.  When couples are involved in couples counseling in NJ, they learn ways to overcome these problems.

Because each individual has his or her own likes and dislikes, most relationships will experience times of conflict.  The key to keeping this conflict from harming the relationship is knowing how to resolve it before it gets out of hand.

Without conflict-resolution tools, couples often deal with conflict in ways that aren’t productive.  Examples include:

• Denying that there is conflict
• Conflict-avoidance
• Reacting emotionally, which can include aggressive, hysterical, threatening and abusive behavior
• Letting the other person deal with it
• Changing the subject
• Blaming the other person
• Making excuses

People react to conflict in different ways.  Therapists who provide couples counseling in NJ witness a variety of styles of conflict-reaction in the people they work with.

Some people learn from their families how to behave in the face of conflict.  Conflict and confrontational behavior are normal styles of communication in some homes.  Other families try to hide and deny conflict.

Another way people learn to deal with conflict is through role models such as bosses, teachers, the clergy and others.  If these role models offer effective conflict resolution skills, the person is more likely to exhibit such skills in his or her relationship.

People in “status” positions – top-level executives, government officials, celebrities and the like – often are less afraid to engage in conflict and confrontation.  But status does not excuse these ineffective behaviors.

Being part of a group and modeling its behavior is another way some people learn to deal with conflict.  Some groups (church, social, nonprofit, sports, etc.) have an unwritten rule that conflict must be avoided; others encourage the behavior.

Couples counseling in NJ teaches partners the important skill of active listening, which is big step toward keeping conflict at a minimum.  This action shows your partner that you care about what he or she is feeling.  Restating in your own words what your partner has said shows him or her that you understand.

In summary, many people who seek couples counseling in NJ have misunderstandings and conflicts that could be quickly resolved if each partner would listen closely and quietly to the other.  Unfortunately, during a heated argument, most individuals are thinking only of expressing, not listening.  With practice, active listening can nip conflict in the bud before it can grow and harm the relationship.

Betty Rader is a freelance writer for Aspire Health Services, a professional counseling agency dealing in when to get a divorce, verbal abuse in marriage and other related issues in NJ. Interested in finding out more about couples counseling in NJ? Visit our website today for more information.

    For a marriage to work well, the relationship must be nurtured both before and after the ceremony. Counseling aims to teach couples skills that reduce conflict and lead to more successful lives together.

Coping with conflict isn’t always easy, but the more familiar individuals in a relationship are with one another, the better prepared they are to work through conflict issues. Couples counseling in NJ provides many conflict resolution tools that help to smooth out tough times.

Have you ever wondered why some couples are happy and others are not? You would be incorrect if you said the happy ones are the ones who have fewer disagreements. The truth is, as therapists who provide couples counseling in NJ will tell you, happy couples are those who have learned to manage conflict and not let disagreements get out of hand. Premarriage Counseling is one way many couples develop this skill.

These days couples who fore-go Premarriage Counseling are like business owners launching a company without a plan. Divorce statistics show that half of all marriages fail. Among the marriages that continue, only about half are happy ones.

Simply put, counseling teaches couples to have positive, effective communication and problem solving skills, which can lead to a better relationship. This is one of the key dynamics of couples counseling in NJ, PA, IL, CA, and countless other location throughout the United States.

Often couples marry with the belief that if they just follow their instincts and allow love, romance and a little luck to lead them, all will be well. However that is not always the case. If these couples undergo counseling prior to their marriage, they’ll realize that even in the strongest relationships, feeling love isn't enough. In addition to love, it takes trust, empathy, and understanding, for a relationship to remain healthy.

Couples who split up – or stay together unhappily – tend to have four behavioral traits that keep them mired in destructive patterns: stonewalling, defensiveness, contempt and criticism. These traits act as a shield, keeping positive, understanding behavior from coming forth. Through counseling prior to marriage, couples learn communications skills and how to resolve conflicts before the marriage begins and more complicated relationship factors enter the picture.

Another benefit of couples counseling in NJ is the individuals learn how to be more aware of themselves and their emotions. They learn to be empathetic with their partner. They also learn how behaviors such as withdrawing and calling names can cause a discussion to become an argument or worse.

The “high” a couple might feel when they fall in love is caused by phenylethlamine, a brain chemical that works something like amphetamines. They feel like they can do no wrong and nothing can get in the way of their love. But this feeling won’t last, and if they’ve never worked on their relationship and themselves through counseling, the view when they come back to earth might not be a good one.

In summary, counseling is an educational tool used to enhance the quality, compassion, and empathy for all parties involved. That is why Premarriage Counseling is such a valuable tool. It works to instill those same achievable qualities within couples looking to spend their lives together from the start.

Betty Rader is a freelance writer for Aspire Health Services, a Millstone, N.J.-based agency that provides Premarriage Counseling and other therapeutic services. Interested in finding out more about Marriage Counselors NJ? Visit our website today for more information.

Here are some principles that professionals who provide couples therapy in NJ have found useful.

The Change First Principle

During difficult times, both partners can feel that since they have suffered due to problems in the relationship, the other should be the first to initiate change in order to get the relationship back on track.  If both partners feel this way, issues will never get off the ground.  Couples counseling in NJ helps individuals who find themselves in this position.

A big step toward a solution here is for both partners to make a commitment to be the first to do what is best for the relationship.  Don’t wait for the other person to make the first move towards doing what is helpful.  Plow ahead with what you feel would be helpful, even if it isn’t reciprocated right away.

Act “As If”

Couples therapy in NJ teaches partners that when they act “as if” good things will happen in response to their efforts, those things are much more likely to occur.  The opposite is also true.  If a couple expects things to go poorly, they’ll act in ways that support this.

Expectations act like an architect, creating the desired changes by converting thoughts to actions.  The old saying, “you get what you expect” appears to be true.  Studies show that we tend to act out what we think.  This is an important point for partners in couples counseling in NJ to keep in mind.

Couples therapy in NJ help couples seek solutions one step at a time.  If, for example, you feel you need better financial organization, fix that area first, then move on to how to keep your place cleaner, then to supporting each other’s schedules, etc.

Behaviors Change Feelings

It is common for couples entering therapy to say, “I’ll behave differently when I feel differently.”  Actually, it’s the other way around.  In order to feel differently we need to change our behaviors first.  Our feelings toward others are based on the way they treat us.  Warm feelings are usually not created by one’s partner saying they are a caring person, but by one’s partner acting in caring ways.

Divorce statistics are dismal, yet all but a small percentage of the population still eventually marry.  For this and many other reasons, it makes great sense for individuals engaged in couples therapy in NJ to familiarize themselves with what does and doesn’t work in relationships.

Betty Rader is the author of this article, working with Aspire Health, a professional practice offering couples counseling in NJ. Interested in finding out more about premarriage counseling? Visit our website today for more information.