Many types of conflicts can arise in a relationship.  The most typical are disagreements over roles and who should do what; disagreements over how things should be done; and style conflicts.  When couples are involved in couples counseling in NJ, they learn ways to overcome these problems.

Because each individual has his or her own likes and dislikes, most relationships will experience times of conflict.  The key to keeping this conflict from harming the relationship is knowing how to resolve it before it gets out of hand.

Without conflict-resolution tools, couples often deal with conflict in ways that aren’t productive.  Examples include:

  • Denying that there is conflict
  • Conflict-avoidance
  • Reacting emotionally, which can include aggressive, hysterical, threatening and abusive behavior
  • Letting the other person deal with it
  • Changing the subject
  • Blaming the other person
  • Making excuses
People react to conflict in different ways.  Therapists who provide couples counseling in NJ witness a variety of styles of conflict-reaction in the people they work with.

Some people learn from their families how to behave in the face of conflict.  Conflict and confrontational behavior are normal styles of communication in some homes.  Other families try to hide and deny conflict.

Another way people learn to deal with conflict is through role models such as bosses, teachers, the clergy and others.  If these role models offer effective conflict resolution skills, the person is more likely to exhibit such skills in his or her relationship.

People in “status” positions – top-level executives, government officials, celebrities and the like – often are less afraid to engage in conflict and confrontation.  But status does not excuse these ineffective behaviors.

Being part of a group and modeling its behavior is another way some people learn to deal with conflict.  Some groups (church, social, nonprofit, sports, etc.) have an unwritten rule that conflict must be avoided; others encourage the behavior.

Couples counseling in NJ teaches partners the important skill of active listening, which is big step toward keeping conflict at a minimum.  This action shows your partner that you care about what he or she is feeling.  Restating in your own words what your partner has said shows him or her that you understand.

In summary, many people who seek couples counseling in NJ have misunderstandings and conflicts that could be quickly resolved if each partner would listen closely and quietly to the other.  Unfortunately, during a heated argument, most individuals are thinking only of expressing, not listening.  With practice, active listening can nip conflict in the bud before it can grow and harm the relationship.

Betty Rader is a freelance writer for Aspire Health Services, a professional counseling agency dealing in when to get a divorce, verbal abuse in marriage and other related issues in NJ. Interested in finding out more about couples counseling in NJ? Visit our website today for more information.



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